I Need to Remember

Nothing can separate us

Romans 8:38-9: "For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

First off, I realize that I haven't blogged since March 29th.  These last two months I feel like I've lost my blogger voice.  I'm not sure I have quite regained it, but hang in there... I'll be back.

But tonight I do want to share my new tattoo fresh from this morning.  It reads, "Nothing can separate us," a reference to Romans 8:38-9 (above).  I needed this written on me so that I would remember:

No matter what the world says...
No matter what anxiety or insecurity say...
No matter the lies that depression tells us....

Nothing can separate us from the love of God.  Nothing.

I like the use of the word "us".  When I look at this on my arm, I can imagine it is a reminder written to me from God, and that us means "me and God".  God wrote me a nice love note on my arm: "Don't forget, nothing will make me stop loving you."

But it also means "us" - as in you and me. Us.  

We are in this together, even though there is plenty that will try to rip apart any community: pride, jealousy, insecurity, trust issues, power issues, fear, etc...and we should do our best to try to build each other up, and not tear each other down.

Because nothing can separate us from the love of God. Not just me.  Not just you. And really, not even just us, but all.  Because there is no "them" in the family of God. There are no insiders and outsiders. That is good news for us, because it means we are not outsiders. It is good news for all of us, because we all belong.

God wrote us a love note:  "Don't forget, nothing will make me stop loving y'all."  (I'm sure sometimes God says "y'all.")

We don't have to be:
cool enough...
smart enough...
rich enough....
beautiful or handsome enough...
thin enough...
__________ enough....

We don't have to meet cultural expectations of how we should look, act or think.

We don't have to be perfect.

We don't have to have our !#% together.

Nothing can separate us from the love of God.  Nothing.

Thank God!

and thanks, God.

A Promise of Paradise - My Good Friday Meditation

Lincoln City 2013

Luke 23:39-43: "One of the criminals who were hanged there kept deriding him and saying, ‘Are you not the Messiah? Save yourself and us!’ But the other rebuked him, saying, ‘Do you not fear God, since you are under the same sentence of condemnation? And we indeed have been condemned justly, for we are getting what we deserve for our deeds, but this man has done nothing wrong.’ Then he said, ‘Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.’ He replied, ‘Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in Paradise.’"

Two condemned criminals are dying alongside Jesus. Sometimes, in our own suffering, we are like the cruel criminal, mocking others, striking out in our pain. Sometimes we are the one who yearns for God, praying for a way out of our darkness.

In the midst of their punishment, one of them recognizes Jesus. “Jesus,” he says. He speaks his name with familiarity, with intimacy. Not “teacher”, or “Rabbi” or “my Lord”, but “Jesus.”

And he makes a request. He takes a chance. “Remember me when you come into your kingdom.”

The criminal knows he is not perfect, far from it.  He believes he deserves crucifixion. But he is bold and asks for a place in the kingdom.

What does he imagine that Jesus can do? This criminal had great hope. Jesus on the cross does not look like the triumphant leader expected in the Palm Sunday procession. The people mocked Jesus as the Messiah, but the criminal believed.

In the midst of his agony, this wrongdoer speaks to Jesus with boldness, with faith, and with hope.

And Jesus responds the promise of paradise: a promise of redemption, forgiveness, restoration, relationship with God.

We carry our own burdens of suffering and guilt. We long for connection, reassurance, and release. We may hurt others in our own turmoil. But we may dare to believe God offers us a new beginning, even in our pain and loss; that God is with us in our suffering.

May we be bold in our hope, take a chance on God, and ask Jesus to remember us. God says yes. The criminal called Jesus by name, and God calls us by name with compassion and mercy.

God says yes and pulls us into a closer relationship, a loving connection from which nothing can separate us, not even death. This is the promise to the criminal on the cross, and the promise to us today.

Rally in Red

Rally for Marriage Equality, Portland, 3/27/2013

1 John 4:7-8  "Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love."

I thank God regularly for June 10, 2012. On that day, I went to a barbecue in Portland. I didn't know anyone there when I walked in the door... but I was met with hospitality and humor... I gained friendships that will last forever... I was embraced with love.

Before that fateful barbecue, I definitely believed in marriage equality and justice for the LGBT community. But since that day, I have been so incredibly blessed by new friends and connections in the Portland gay community. You are my family. You have laughed and danced with me. You love and support me, even in my depression and anxiety. You show me beauty, faith and compassion. My life is so rich and full of joy for knowing you. I thank God for you (often!).

I went to the courthouse today in Portland with a sign that said "Another Christian for Marriage Equality."  I rallied with friends and strangers. I held up my sign and yelled "woohoo!" as cars drove by honking and waving in support. (I thought I was going to lose my voice!)

I stood up today because there are over 1000 federal rights that my friends have been denied because they love someone of the same gender. The same people who have shown me so much friendship, and in whose relationships I see such deep caring and love, are being denied basic rights that many of us take for granted.

I identified myself as a Christian on my sign because my religion has been used as an excuse to deny these rights, and I want to scream "No more!"  As I also mention in my Open Letter Regarding the Traditional Prom, I do not believe the bible justifies making lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) people into second-class citizens or calling them sinners.

In the bible verse above, we are admonished to love one another, and reminded that God is love. When I look at my friends, I see love. I see love for their partners, love for their family and friends, love for this community of Portland. To deny the validity of this love is short-sighted and cruel. To stand up for marriage equality is the Christian thing to do. Jesus would have joined us in front of the courthouse. God calls our LGBT sisters and brothers beloved.

I rallied in red today because my heart and my life have been deeply touched and I cannot stand by and be silent any more. 

Will you join me?

God of love, thank you for the love that is abundant in our friendships and relationships. Guide us with wisdom and grace as we work for justice. Keep us mindful that your love extends to all, even those who don't agree with us.  Hold us all in your caring embrace. Thanks. and Amen.

Drawn Into Relationship - Week 2

Holden Village, 2010. View from a Hike

Luke 22:24-27 "A dispute also arose among them as to which one of them was to be regarded as the greatest. But he said to them, 'The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them; and those in authority over them are called benefactors. But not so with you; rather the greatest among you must become like the youngest, and the leader like one who serves. For who is greater, the one who is at the table or the one who serves? But I am among you as one who serves.'"

A quick synopsis of last week's class on my thesis....

Jesus shows us again that God turns our expectations upside down - our expectations of who is the greatest and what the kingdom of God looks like. By arguing about who is most awesome, the disciples are clearly missing the point... again. Jesus had just described his body broken and blood poured out in a gift of self-sacrifice, yet the disciples value the one who is “regarded as the greatest.” 

The image of a servant leader would have been striking at the table, where Jesus had literally served them bread and wine. The dining area is a place where hierarchy and status were strongly enforced at the time. To get more insight on the impact of Jesus' words, we look to Luke 14:1-24. There Jesus is also at a table, telling a parable about the kingdom of God. The story is about a wealthy man who is going to throw a great banquet to impress people who could reciprocate with favors and banquets (14:16) (See Willi Braun's analysis). His friends snub him for financial and economic reasons, so he invites two groups of social outcasts instead. The tale ends with the host renouncing his former social connections as he shares the dining table with the outcast (14:24). This is not paternalistic benevolence, but joining a new community - a conversion.

Our culture needs encouragement to reject the social pressure to seek status and wealth and choose the alternative way of inclusion and justice. Jesus calls us to this new way. In these verses, we also see a God who chooses to be with those who are not powerful. God does not participate in the hierarchies we create to demonstrate our faulty view of human worth. (That also means that our worth doesn't come from whether we succeed in these hierarchies!)

In Luke 22:24-27, Jesus announces that he works contrary to our expectations of greatness. We may look for God to come in power to overthrow systems that oppress and establish an earthly kingdom in which we, perhaps, may have a seat of honor. We make gods out of that which we idolize: money, religion, beauty, fame… and sanction them with the blessing or name of God. Yet God is not these idols. Jesus came as one who serves. God is at work through service for the kingdom of God, for the freedom of humanity from idolatry, poverty and exclusion.

God of service, It is so easy to want to be the best, and to want to climb the ladders of success in this world. Help us not forget those who are on the outside. Convert our hearts so all may dine together at your table. Remind us that we are precious to you, no matter what the world says.  Thanks, and Amen.

Lying Liars

Pumpkin carving party 2012

Isaiah 41:10 "Do not fear, for I am with you, do not be afraid for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand."

I woke up at 3:41 this morning with my heart pounding. I'd had a strange dream, though it wasn't exactly a nightmare. For some reason, though, I woke up freaked out. This happens to me sometimes. One of the demons I wrestle is anxiety. In the night, imagination fills in the shadows of the room, and of our worries. Just as the lamp can look like a looming monster, a normal thought in the day can grow to a giant concern in the nighttime of our fears.

One of the phrases I stumbled across in another blog was "Depression is a liar". I found this on Jenny Lawson's humorous blog, theblogess.com, and you can read more on this idea here, here and here.

Depression is a liar. Anxiety is a liar. Fear is a liar. Insecurity is a liar. They fill in the shadows of the room and amplify our worries. They make our weaknesses seem monumental and obscure our strengths so we forget them. They isolate us so we feel alone and our problems become overwhelming. We may even intentionally isolate ourselves because of these feelings. If we could flip on the light and see the truth!

If you are struggling with depression or anxiety, fear or insecurity.... these beasts are lying liars.  Please don't believe them! Yell at them if you need to, and show them the truth...

You are worthy... faults and fears and depression and all!
You are capable.... even if you're not perfect (none of us are!).
You are strong... you have strengths and gifts you may not even realize!
You are important.... you are needed!
You are loved.... as you are... no matter what.... even if you are struggling!

I love the picture that my friend Chadwick took of us at his pumpkin carving party (above). We both are striking a pose of attitude, and I'm looking at the camera with a look of "I'm not believing your bullshit." This is the look I want to take with those lying liars of depression, anxiety, fear and insecurity. Don't give me your bullshit. I am not going to let these lies derail my plans, my sense of worth, my hopes or my dreams.

At 3:50 this morning, I turned on the TV, which can be a nightlight for me. But then I turned it off again right away. Somehow, even though my heart was pounding in my chest, I knew that I was being lied to. I am going to be ok. The worries that seemed so unbearable are going to be ok.  I thank God for helping me find the truth in that moment of shadowy lie. That doesn't always happen, but last night it did, and I fell asleep again to wake up rested this morning.

If you are struggling with depression or anxiety, if you are afraid or insecure, don't let those beasts convince you that you are anything less than an amazing creation.You have been uniquely made and you are needed in this world. Last night I was able to go back to sleep without the TV, but sometimes we need help. If you need help, please reach out to your support network, find someone to talk to, and remember you are not alone in this. You are loved. You are needed.  

God of the day and of the night. Sometimes we feel so heavy with the weight of our worries or our depression. Lift that weight so that we may see the truth of your love for us, and that we are worthy and needed. Walk with us through the hard times. Help us to reach out to others. Strengthen us. Hold us. Remind us that we are loved, no matter what. Thanks, and Amen.

Drawn Into Relationship - Week 1

A path through the woods.... I cannot see where it will lead.
Holden Village, 2010

Psalm 10:1 "Why, O Lord, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?"

On Sunday, February 10th, I led the first class at my church in a six-week series on the topic of my thesis. For those who could not attend but are interested in what we talked about... here you are!

We started by discussing the importance of the question "Who is God?" (also see my blog post here). This is an important question to consider; it impacts how we see and treat others, and ourselves. When I ask you to picture God, what words come to mind?

I wrote my thesis at a period in which I was having a crisis of faith. I could not understand how God could allow suffering, though I'm definitely not the first to ask this. My lament is an echo of the verse above from the psalms. Theodicy is a term that describes trying to reconcile an understanding of an all-present, all-knowing, all-loving God with the presence of suffering. It is a heavy question with no good or easy answer. Because of my doubts and frustration, I wanted to walk away from the church and my faith, but I was drawn back. This is why I titled my thesis "Drawn into Relationship."

After a year's leave of absence I returned to my studies. I was inspired to wrestle through my doubts by several theologians who went before me (some of their books are listed here).

Jewish writer Elie Wiesel and Lutheran pastor Dietrich Bonhoeffer experienced the holocaust in very personal ways. Both were sent to concentration camps, and Bonhoeffer was hung at Flossenbürg in 1945. For them, God is present, even in the midst of the horrors. God is with those who suffered and died, even though God didn't rush in triumphantly to "save the day." Bonhoeffer's theology can be described by the category of "political theology". (Just as there are different genres of literature, or areas of science, so it is with theology).

Liberation theology was sparked by political theology and the civil rights movements of the 60s. Liberation theology emerged in the catholic church in 1971 in Latin America out of the atrocities and extreme poverty present there. People of faith struggled with the question of "Where is God" in the midst of oppression, violence and suffering. The answer was "on the side of the poor." God's preferential option for the poor was traced throughout scripture and the numerous references towards giving to the poor, caring for the orphan and widow, etc. Jon Sobrino is one of the theologians I studied. He is a Jesuit working out of El Salvador. I can relate to his emphasis on orthopraxis (doing the right thing, caring for others, working for the kingdom of God) vs. orthodoxy (believing the correct doctrine). God doesn't rush in to save the day and end poverty and oppression; that is our job.

Black theology emerged in the United States as a means of answering the question of "Where is God" in the midst of the experience of African-Americans. James H. Cone is an influential theologian who argued that God is with those in exile, with those who suffer, and will never abandon them. Using the biblical story of the exodus as a starting point, Cone (like Sobrino) looked at the question of God from the point of view of cultural context. How does being black in the United States, or being poor in El Salvador impact how one sees God? Where we are in life, our experiences, whether we are subject to oppressive systems, all impact our understanding of God and our role in the world.

Me? I am a straight white female with a graduate degree and a decent job. I cannot theologize from the point of view of the Peruvian farmer or the African-American inner-city youth. I cannot claim to have the same experience of church as my LGBT friends. Cone warns me not to identify too closely with those who are oppressed, for then we miss seeing our own privilege and responsibility to act. However, I can talk about God from the perspective of a woman who struggles with depression and anxiety, who tries to manage my doubts and is frustrated by injustice.

Informed by theologians such as Bonhoeffer, Sobrino and Cone, and from my own context, and yours, the trajectory of class for the next five weeks will be to look at the passion of Jesus (events leading to his death and resurrection) in the gospel of Luke. We will be trying to see what the Bible tells us about who God is in the midst of our own context, be it from a point of crisis or calm.

I chose to focus on the gospel of Luke because it is my favorite. I love the themes of hospitality, restoration, and wholeness. I enjoy the story of the promises of God starting with Israel, finding fulfillment in Jesus, and going out to the ends of the earth. I love the emphasis on Jesus reaching out to the lost and the least. Do you have a favorite gospel?

To get us warmed up in looking at what the Bible can tell us about who God is, we looked at two passages in Luke: the Magnificat in Luke 1:46-55 and the reading from the scroll in the temple in Luke 4:16-30. Do these verses speak to you? What do you hear in them? Do you have a favorite verse that helps you understand who God is?

God of us all, We do not and cannot know who you are fully. There is so much we may not understand about the world, especially the presence of suffering. Stick with us in our questions. Hear us when we shout our angry frustrations at you. Draw us back into relationship with you, if that is what we seek. Help us to stand with those who are oppressed and work for justice, even if we don't all believe the same thing. Remind us that you love us all, no matter what. Thanks, and Amen.

Know What?

Valentine's Day 2013 at the petition signing party
for the Freedom to Marry campaign

Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God! I am exalted among the nations, I am exalted in the earth."

My degree is in Systematic Theology. This is a fancy name for a field of study that asks questions like "who is God," "what is humanity," "what is sin", etc, etc.  It serves me very well in my software support career.  ahem.... However, it will serve me at church during the next six weeks in Lent.  Tomorrow morning I am going to start a 6-week series of Adult Ed classes at my church on the question of "who is God."

But is that a question we can answer? Psalm 46 tells us to "Be still, and know that I am God!" But who is God?  If we pay attention to some voices in the media, God is angry and judgmental, causing earthquakes and hurricanes because of our wayward behavior. These comments are exactly why this is an important question to discuss. The picture of a God who punishes is not the only understanding of who God is. It is important to discuss, because how we understand God governs our choices in how we treat ourselves and others. Not all Christians believe in a God who may punish you for not being holy.  And not all Christians believe in a God opposed to gay marriage.

This year, for Valentine's Day, I went to two different events to help kick off the Freedom to Marry campaign for Oregon: Oregon United for Marriage. We signed a petition to get a ballot measure on the 2014 ballot in Oregon to remove the constitutional ban on same-sex marriage and allow same-sex couples to marry.  It was a beautiful and exciting day, and long overdue. 

The first event I went to was a gathering of clergy and other faith leaders voicing their support for the measure. Several speakers shared the feeling of wanting to break the myth that people of faith are opposed to gay marriage. The truth is, that many, many people who believe in God also support the freedom of LGBT people to marry.  (My Lutheran bishop was one who signed the petition, and his letter regarding his support is here.)

How can this be?

As a person of faith who has studied scripture and theology (heck, I got a degree in it!), my own conclusion is that God is loving, inclusive, and compassionate. (See my post here about how I believe the bible does not support homophobia or anti-gay behavior).  I see scriptural support for a God who is on the side of the outsider, the orphan, the poor. The Bible is full of stories where God cares for those who have been left out, excluded, judged and condemned.

How I view God impacts how I act towards others. Because God's loves reaches beyond the boundaries, I want my love to as well.  Because God works for justice and wholeness in society, I want to as well. God calls us to step outside our comfort zone and care for others.

Because I want to work for justice and wholeness in society, I will be working on the Oregon United for Marriage campaign.  My understanding of who God is compels me to work for equal rights and to support loving relationships. What does your understanding of God lead you towards?

"Be still and know that I am God" is a call to pause and reflect on God's nature.  It is followed up in the new testament with stories such as the one of the man who crossed to the other side of the road to help someone in need. Jesus commanded us to "Go and do likewise." (Luke 10:37, the story of the Good Samaritan). I will be spending the season of Lent trying to be both in the place of being still to know God and of crossing the road to help those in need. I invite you to join me as I reflect on this.

God of love, Many of us have felt like outsiders, but not all of us are treated equally. Help us to work for justice for all, so that all couples may have the right to marry, all children may have the right to a good education, all people may have a safe place to live, healthy food to eat, and access to health care. Open our eyes to the needs of our neighbors so we may respond with love and compassion. Thank you for loving us with a love that extends beyond our comprehension, and beyond our desire to define and control it.  Thanks, and Amen.